All the Men I've Loved Before....

There are some nights that insomnia sets in and my mind gets to racing, sometimes way too fast.....and when that happens I begin to think about my past.  Sometimes this soothes me and then other times I toss and turn thinking what could I have done to make things better.....or did I play the hand that I was dealt the way it was supposed to have been played.

I sometimes wonder where all the years went....was I too busy worrying about tomorrow to really enjoy today?  Have I learned the lessons I was supposed to learn....have I aged way before my time...have I even reached my potential?  I like to think that I am on the right track about some things....I am in the middle of some really big lessons and even though I am wading thru my issues with as much patience I can muster there are times I just want to throw up my hands and say enough!

Take for instance some of the men in my life I have truly loved....and for those of you who know me when I love, I love all the way....I've never done anything half-hearted in the love department and most likely never will.....so it comes as no surprise that one night during a bout with sleeplessness I decided to track down a couple of old lovers.....yep, there they were, right on Facebook.....and, yes, I will admit that when I saw their faces I felt the old pang of hurt....and I was especially glad to see that they have aged.....

Do they ever think of me, I wonder or was I just a footnote in their personal history....?  Time is supposed to heal old wounds, but can time wound these old heels??? Hmmmm.....food for thought.....

Intervention Anyone?

Yes....it has been a while since I last wrote.....yes, I have been busy....yes, I have been pre-occupied.....

And the reason is:  I am hooked on Netflix...you know the on-line movie downloads that you can get straight to your computer at any hour of the night.....  

Recently a friend of mine insisted that I join Netflix so we could watch movies (oldies, classics, etc.) and then discuss them.  Not only have I reacquainted myself with the film stars of the 40's, 50's and 60's, I am finding myself more involved in the dialog.   Some of the ones I've rediscovered are campy (Holiday); some are honest to goodness classics (Gilda), and some are downright chilling (3 Days of the Condor).

 

I am a trivia buff and my mind is like a sponge absorbing all kinds of facts...so, the next time you want to talk with me and I'm not available, get a bunch of my friends together and plan an intervention....!

Walk With Me Jesus!

Ever hear the old saying 'some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you'?  In my recent past I had experienced the part about the bear getting me (and getting me a lot!).....and I felt I was beginning to spiral down into another one of my 'famous' depressions.  I didn't want to go down that deep well again, but sometimes things happen and you find yourself in the midst of darkness....

During this strange, dark time I still said my prayers and I thanked God for all that I did have as well as the lessons I was learning.  I don't know if I prayed anything differently one night or maybe God had a little more time to listen to me, but I had the most wonderful dream.  I dreamed that I was in a very beautiful land with palm trees and beautiful blue skies and I was walking with Jesus.  Yes, you read it right.....I was walking with Jesus and I remember saying to Him it must have been awesome to hear Him talk to the masses when He walked this earth.

And here is the kicker.....He replied that, yeah it was pretty cool back then...and when I turned to look at Him, there were 2 very bright suns shining down.....I guess it was the Father and the Holy Spirit. Anyway, when I woke up the heaviness of my impending depression was gone and I felt truly, truly happy....happier than I have been in years.....

So now I hold onto that dream... it is a beacon guiding me every step I make and every breath I take every day....

A friend once told me that when you dream of Jesus it is not a dream, but a vision.....and you know it was so real I like to think that I really did take that walk.....

The Long and Winding Road

O.K.  So now it's time for some nostalgia......I recently attended the wedding of the son of a long time girlfriend and former neighbor.  It was one of those garden weddings where absolutely everything was perfect: perfect weather, perfect flowers, perfect hair.  All members of the wedding party looked like they could have been part of a portrait by Norman Rockwell, you know like the ones that graced the covers of the Saturday Evening Post magazine.

I remembered this groom as a small child toddling around the Court (Rock Spring Court, that is....great neighborhood to raise kids) and wondered just where did the time go....

But that is life....children grow, marry and then have children of their own.  Within the blink of an eye, we're all suddenly looking at faces in the mirror and wondering who is staring back at us.  When did we become our mothers/fathers?  When did our hair begin to turn gray and when did the crow's feet appear around our eyes?  Ah, such is life!

Strains from the song 'Sunrise/Sunset' rang thru my head as I listened to the bride and groom recite their vows to one another....yes quickly fly the years....

Time, won't you slow down a bit....not for very long, but for just a moment....please?

Toes in the Water...Ass in the Sand!

What is it about spending time at the beach that really re-charges your batteries?  Is it the laid back atmosphere; is it the reduced stress level or is it the time you can spend with yourself?  I have to admit I experienced all of these last week when me, BFF and BFF's granddaughter had 7 wonderful nights and 6 glorious days at Panama City Beach in Florida.

Although our time began during a torrential rain storm with rain the next couple of days, it was the 'getting away' part that excited me the most.  As many of you know getting to a beach from Louisville, Kentucky is not a quick trip (12 hours in the car!) but once you see God's magnificent ocean it is well worth the 'windshield' time spent.

What did we enjoy most?  Well, our first night there (in between rainstorms) we watched a magnificent fireworks display over the beach from our balcony while sipping Margaritas... or it could have been the $60.00 in cash found laying next to my car when we decided to go out and grab a quick bite or  maybe the early morning coffee on the balcony while watching the sun rise....so many good times crammed into those 6 days.  Our last nite was spent drinking a bottle of sparkling Asti wine on the balcony while recounting everything that had happened.  We laughed and laughed until we cried, broke more than a couple of moving violations (we were out-of-towners after all) and totally left all of our cares, stresses and worries 642 miles away....

So many thanks BFF and little BFF for helping to make wonderful memories to help keep us warm during the cold Kentucky winters.....

Do it again next year?  You bet!

Sometimes Ya Gotta Play the Hand You're Dealt

Recently an old high school buddy was downsized after 35+ years of working for the same company and although he was lucky enough to find another position within a reasonable amount of time he was concerned about 'starting over'.....

I assured him that this was just another phase in his ongoing life....a new career, new challenges, new opportunities.  Something new to keep the brain active.....

This got me to thinking it doesn't matter how old you are (in either dog or human years) ya just gotta learn to 'ride with the tide and roll with the flow'.....play the new hand that the Universe deals you 'cause you never know where this will take you.....we are here to learn and to never stop learning...never become stagnate!

So, high school buddy, don't fret 'cause you have just begun, again, to climb the ladder of success...you don't know what magic awaits you at the top.......

Best wishes and congratulations!

What the World Needs Now

Normally when I write my blog I like to write about lessons learned, good experiences or a past memory and I always like to end on a positive note.....

This time will not be the case.  I am upset and angry and I need to vent....I just heard that a good friend of mine had been robbed.  Yes, while she was gone her house was broken into and the few valuables she possessed were taken.  Yes, insurance will replace what was taken, but the pictures and memories attached are gone forever.  

What infuriates me is that after a long time of unemployment, she finally was able to get a worthwhile position and had just started 4 days before this unfortunate event.

I am the first to admit that these economic times are trying indeed; this is the worst our economy has been since the Great Depression of the 1930's.....and there are people who will do anything to get a few dollars to, maybe, keep a roof over their head or feed their children.....but to take from another is just plain wrong!  This person is now suffering at the hands of someone who most likely will never be identified......

I can only say one word:  Karma!  Karma will come back ten-fold to whomever has done this.....and I am glad that there is an All Powerful Being who will see to it!

Grease is the Word!

One of my all time favorite movies is Grease....you know the one with John Travolta (bad boy) and Olivia Newton-John (good girl).....even though they are miles apart in everything, at the end of the movie they decide that they care enough about each other to make changes in themselves....

So I started thinking about my relationships thru the years.....did I care enough about the one person I was with at the time to change enough to salvage the relationship or was I too strong, stubborn or whatever and just remain rigid?  Maybe it was my age, maybe I hadn't grown enough spiritually, but now I see that if I had bent just a little I would be writing on an entirely different topic right now....

Don't get me wrong, I make decisions with the information I have at the time, but just once I'd like a do over or as they say in the golf world "I'd like to take a mulligan on that hole"......

So, maybe God, if You're a golfer what about it?  How about one do over just for old times sake......(and You know the one I'm talking about)......

School Daze

Remember when you were young and just about to start a new school year and had to make sure you had all the necessary supplies?  Our book-bags always contained several #2 pencils, a 3 ring binder with divider tabs plus tons of 3 hole punched white (and blue lined) notebook paper.  These were the only supplies we needed and we did very well with them.....

While visiting my son yesterday I asked where his 'girls' were.....his girls being Jennifer and her daughter Kaitlyn (both of whom I love dearly).  They were out shopping for school supplies he said......with school starting in 2 days I remarked that it was cutting it pretty close, I mean would they have enough notebook paper?  Silly mom he replied....Monday is the official first full day of school....Friday was only a half day where the students got to meet their teachers and get a list of supplies needed for each class.....I was in amazement.  A list of supplies, for each class?  

When did the 3 ring binder go out the window?  With the horse and buggy?  Nowadays school supplies are so much more: calculators for charting and graphing; personal computers (the new version of the 3 ring binder) and God knows what else.....

And all the while I kept thinking, how much was all this gonna cost.....but in reality I really didn't want to know....boy have times changed....Can someone tell me do they even still make #2 pencils?

Be Careful What You Wish For...

We've all heard the old saying, "Be careful what you wish for".  I had always looked at this as something ominous and foreboding; something negative.  But what if it's not?  What if you are meant to wish for something that is a good thing?

I've done a lot of soul searching recently; gone back to my Catholic roots as well as embraced my own feelings of spirituality....each month after the new moon arrives, I make a list of wishes.  Things that I would love to see happen in my life.....

I am seeing the results of my wishes and I know they have been granted by the wonderful entity that runs the entire shebang we consider our world. 

 I am so thankful for my life, opportunities that come my way in the form of learning experiences and the overall growth I am experiencing.

So, remember that the Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God won't protect you.

Can I get an Amen?

Mia Familia

What is it about Lawrence Welk that brings families together, just like the good ole days?  This past weekend I traveled to my home state to visit my mother.  Mom has had a pretty rough year health wise and driving home I was concerned that she would be more feeble than the last time I saw her.....boy was I wrong!

My visit was a surprise (mostly because I didn't want her to worry and fret about me making the 5 1/2 hour drive all alone), so when I walked into her room at the assisted living facility she was shocked to see me.  But what was more important is that she looked great.....her color is good, she is as feisty as ever and she had just had her hair done at the on site beauty parlor....

The staff at the facility just absolutely love her and are at her beck and call....she is socializing (3 new girlfriends: Marlene, Lisa and Barbara.  They all eat together at the same table in the dining room!), playing bingo and just generally interacting with everyone.  She is no longer staying in bed all day....she has re-joined the living and I am so very glad of that.  This has been the best decision we have ever made....

So, back to Lawrence Welk.....on Saturday evening my mother came to my brother and sister-in-laws house for dinner.  After dinner we called her brother, Jim and his wife, Jane to come visit....at 7:00 pm (on the dot) every Saturday evening the local public television station plays the old Lawrence Welk shows....both mom and Aunt Jane are avid fans.  It was so wonderful to see them watching the show, interacting and talking about the cast as if they were actual family members.  

Watching them jabbering and eating dessert took me way back.....for 30 minutes it was 1960 again and as I choked back the tears I said a little prayer for Lawrence Welk and his bubble machine!

All You Need Is Love.....

Being the gracious ex-wife, several weeks ago I gave a firm commitment to 'doggie' sit....which translates into please take care of my dogs and love them just as much as I do....

O.K. so I accepted the challenge of watching 6 (yes I said 6) dogs....4 Golden Retrievers: Sassy, Tanner, Smitty and Murphy...with 2 Newfoundlands: Isaac and Doc....these are not puppies, people!  These a full grown dogs that run in a pack!  Every time the wind blew in a strange direction one would start barking and then the others joined in full chorus.....

On the night before I was to begin this challenge I visited these dogs to get to know their personalities, schedule, eating habits....and, of course, their daily meds.....we seemed to get along just fine.  But, you have to remember that mommy and daddy were around so they were on their best behavior.

The next day I arrived in the afternoon to take my shift.  When I got there all chaos erupted!  You would have thought these animals hadn't been outside, had food or people companionship in decades....they were ready to eat the door as I was trying to unlock it and let myself in.  When I restored order they sat in the kitchen looking at me, blinking,  as if to say, let the games begin!  Wow....it was dinner time and I had to get them fed.  Since they are all shapes and sizes and different ages, I had to make each bowl separately.  Let's see, Doc is still a puppy and he gets two heaping scoops of the food from the right bin, Tanner has a weight issue so he only gets one level scoop, Isaac is 170 lbs. and has to have a dollop of canned food on top just to make sure he eats as he is slow in starting.  As I made each bowl I had to say a name so a tail would wag and I would know who to feed....

The next morning I was awakened at 4:38 am....yes and as you all know I am NOT a morning person.  So down the steps we all trod and I let them all out....I go back upstairs to bed and peace reigned for about 30 minutes...then as if on cue the barking started.  They were hungry and wanted to come in for breakfast.  I had to get the list of who gets what and how much so I could begin the assembly line....and to read the list I had to put in my contacts.....ever try putting contacts in puffy eyes at 5:00 am?

All in all it was an enjoyable experience to tell you the truth.....some minor problems: I guess during the day they got bored and ate half a rug, one had an altercation with a throw pillow from the couch and I had to dislodge a dog tag which was embedded (in the pillow, not the dog), Sassy had some trouble going down stairs (crisis call to the parents).  And one carried in a flat, dead mouse and left it on the living room floor.....oh well....

What is really amazing is that I did learn the individual personality of each one....they are as unique as humans and I have learned to love them just as if they were my own....

I'm going to miss caring for them, but not at 5:00 in the morning!

The Man of My Dreams!

All little girls have a first love and that love is their Father....I was no different.  I thought that man hung the moon and the stars....he was the bright sun in the center of my personal Universe....I loved him more than words could ever say!  Don't get me wrong, life wasn't always rosy growing up with an Italian man for a father.  He was far more strict than I would have liked, but that strictness grew from his love and protection for me.

Today marks the 6th Anniversary of his passing....and my hurt is still as fresh and painful as it was on that Sunday morning 6 years ago at 7:25 a.m.  I was with him when he left us and I wouldn't have missed being there for the world.....he hung on far longer than he should have and it was with our encouragement that he went....

All the so-called experts say that once the spirit goes to heaven it forgets all earthly bonds.  I disagree....I feel my father with me at odd times: I hear his laugh, feel his hand on my hair, standing beside me with his famous smile, remembering the secrets we shared.  Yes, I still talk to him about my problems and troubles.  And, boy have we have had numerous conversations recently!

There is a Father/Daughter bond and I can say with certainty that it transcends space, time and dimensions.

Love you bunches and miss you even more.....

"Sis"

The Bull Moose Party

While having drinks with BFF last nite at a 'hole-in-the-wall' bar, she mentioned that I hadn't posted any new blogs for a while....so this morning with a pounding head (too many adult beverages!) I'll honor her request.

Did you ever sit back, quiet yourself  and count your blessings?  You know, blessings are more than things....blessings are people in your life, like BFF who is warm, giving, funny and a dear person.  Blessings are the person you owe money to who will work with you thru a rough, stormy period.....blessings are the LG&E bill that you thought would be astronomical but turns out to be not so bad....

Yes, I thought of these things last nite as we laughed, joked, talked and enjoyed life.....without these blessings we would not make it thru our journey here on earth....

So BFF, here's your blog.....and remember that 'Life is not the destination, it's the ride'.....and I so enjoy my ride with you along!

Those Were The Days, My Friend....

Friends are the rare gems we acquire throughout our lifetime....and when you make an honest, true friend you become a very lucky creature indeed.

I recently spent some time with a friend from my old days.  It was so much more than the wonderful visit I had imagined:  it was a trip down memory lane!  And although we are older (and wiser) when we talked about the past it came alive for us again.   We were, once again, the twenty somethings who had pool parties, Halloween parties, drank Strawberry Daiquiris and generally enjoyed our lives.  Sure we had ups and downs, bills, mortgages, young kids who never stopped saying "Mama?  Mama?  Mama!"....but we had FUN to the nth degree. 

And, isn't that what life is supposed to be about?  Enjoyment, going with the flow, laughing thru adversity is why we're here all with the help of good friends.

Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.  Here's to the next generation, may they also learn about life!

We've Only Just Begun...

Since I've been hooking up with some long lost high school classmates via Facebook, I decided to pull out the ole yearbooks and was immediately transported back in time.  Once again it was the early '70's and I was the wide eyed, innocent (and hopeful) girl with her entire future ahead of her.

Looking at the pictures of all of us I realized that although we thought we were adults in actuality we were not; we were just kids  plain and simple.  It was a time when innocence was the norm, fun was laughing over silly things (not people who were different) and our only goal was looking forward to Friday nights to either attend the weekly football or basketball games (depending on the season).  As I read what my fellow classmates wrote to me our Senior year my eyes began to mist over....we were going to conquer the world, but remain our same sweet selves; we vowed to remain positive and had little to no fear of the unknown future.....

How many of us achieved our goals I wonder?  Did we conquer the world?  Most assuredly!  Maybe we didn't find a cure for a terminal disease, maybe some of us were more successful than we could have ever imagined and maybe, just maybe we have made the world a better place for those around us.....

I do know one thing for certain I really wished I knew then what I know now 'cause I would definitely do it all over again!

Happy Birthday Bubba!

Sixty-six years ago today one of the sweetest, kindest, most gentle souls arrived on this planet.....for those of us who had the pleasure to know him, we loved him immensely.....

And although he had trials, tribulations, sorrow and grief that he had to work through, he also had a warm smile, charm, great wit and intelligence as well as a huge heart......

By his choice, he left us way too soon....we miss him  but we hope he has finally found the love and peace on the other side that he so desperately wanted during his short time here.

I send my love with the thought that maybe one day we will see each other again.

Happy Birthday, David!

Always and forever,

Pammy

Pete 'n' Peggy

Growing up it's difficult to imagine our parents as young people....I mean, they were our parents, right? And since they had established the ground rules for us, they could not possibly have been the type of people who wanted to have fun, laugh, dance, party.....or could they???

Every so often I'd get a glimpse of my parents doing something 'un-parent like'.....singing, dancing in the living room (how Dad would complain about Mom trying to 'lead'), having disagreements about the name of a specific song and maybe going out every great once in a while on a Saturday night.

Going from a Catholic grade school 3 blocks from my home to the Catholic high school on the out skirts of downtown Clarksburg (West Virginia) was a big jump in my circle of friends.  During my freshman year  at Notre Dame High School (Class of '71) I got to know kids from the other Catholic grade schools in the area.....one guy in particular was really down to earth and friendly.....I liked him as soon as I met him.......

So one night I'm telling my parents about some of the kids in my classes and I mention this guy's name.  The minute I did, my Dad started to laugh....I mean really laugh like he had a great secret.....I pressed him to tell me what was so funny and Mom said: "you might as well tell her" and she laughed.....

It seems that my Dad knew the mother of this new friend...very well.....like really well.....like HE dated HER!!!!  I was floored....then Dad started telling me stories about getting together with friends and partying at Peggy's parents house....he said her parents were great people and they always had a good time when they were there......

So the next day I go to school and can't wait to tell my secret.....so he goes home, comes back the next day and verifies all that my Dad had said....after that every time we passed each other in the halls at NDHS, I would ask how's Peggy and he would say fine; then he would ask how's Pete and I would say fine and we would go on to our respective classes....I would come home and tell my Dad and he would give me that cute little snicker with a smile.....This went on for the entire time we were in school....

After graduation we all went our separate ways.....he married and stayed in town; I married and moved to Kentucky...but the best part about the entire story is that we recently hooked back up via Facebook.  It's great getting caught up with our lives and how much we've grown.

And whenever I hear from this school friend, I also hear my Dad give me that cute little snicker....yep, Peggy's fine and so is Pete......

The Long, Hot Summer

I don't know about you, but when I was growing up we did not have air-conditioning.....no one had air-conditioning....we suffered out the unbearable days and humid nights....and to cool off we would go to the community pool or maybe take in a movie.....

Why now is it so difficult to adjust to no a/c????  I am still on my austerity program and until I am gainfully employed it will stay off (except on those rare occasions when I do have to get ready to go out and don't want to look wilted before I even leave my house)....are we so spoiled that we cannot get back to basics, or is it just the fact that our houses, apartments, whatever are now constructed without the hint of a cross breeze when one opens up the windows? Box fans and ceiling fans just don't seem to cut it....

I have to admit that this has been an exercise in patience on my part....I will 'go with the flow' of nature and pray for cool breezes to periodically come my way.....I now understand the meaning of the phrase "so hot you could fry an egg on the sidewalk"......

And, yes, this winter I'll probably be writing about how cold it is....but couldn't we at least have some kind of happy medium?  C'mon weatherman, cut us a break!

That's What Friends Are For.....

Yesterday I received a voice mail message from a girlfriend asking me to call her as she had a 'proposition' for me.  Intrigued, I dialed her up.....and the proposition, it turned out, was asking for my help in cleaning her former next door neighbor's house.  The neighbors were renters and were re-locating out of the city; they didn't have time to clean up so they asked her if she would do it for a few dollars.....I thought no problem and besides she did offer to give me compensation for my time.

So I showed up after she had been at it for a couple of hours.....Holy Cow!  I had NEVER seen a place so 'lived in' in my entire life (and believe me, I've seen a few in my day).....well, actually it was dirty, no filthy dirty was a much better description.....

As we were working on this house (basement, upstairs, main floor) I couldn't help but think back to growing up.  When I was little, before we moved into our permanent house, my parents rented a small house: 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, kitchen and living room.  It was like a little square box.  One of the things I do remember was that my mother kept that little house spotless.....she treated that rental just like it was her own.  She was very proud of how everything was in its' place.  And as I remembered that little house I was telling my girlfriend how people just don't seem to respect property, theirs or others any more.....

Well we cleaned it the best we could (spaghetti sauce stains on the cabinets and floor, broken egg shells from behind the range and all!).....and when we were finishing up she offered to pay me......

You know, some things you just do without expecting anything in return and this was one of them....I refused her offer 'cause as the song goes "That's What Friends Are For"......

The Little Tomato Plants That Could.....

Back on April 30, 2010 I wrote about growing tomatoes with LLF (Long Lost Friend) the past couple of years in my blog entitled "How Does My Garden Grow".  In that entry I explained about how I didn't think I had the strength (or the desire for that matter) to plant this year, that maybe I would just wait until I had a better grasp on my emotions before I decided to do any more gardening.

Apparently God/Universe had other plans about what should happen in my small patch of dirt .....

Yesterday afternoon I noticed some weeds growing around my patio that needed to be pulled.  After all we had a huge rain storm the night before and once weeds get some water....well, look out!  They grow like they are on steroids.....

Anyway since I had some time I thought I'd get rid of those weeds before they got too out of control.  When I started to pull, I noticed something strange and familiar...right in the middle of my weeds were two small tomato plants!  I can only surmise what happened:  seeds from last years plants must have dropped into the soil and slept thru the winter.  While my life was in turmoil, these little seeds did what they do best and germinated......then the rains helped them to grow past the soil and into the sunlight....it is what LLF used to say, that plants ensure their survival by dropping their seeds....and, by golly,  these little guys did.....

So now, once again, this season I will have fresh cherry tomatoes to enjoy....and my heart only wishes that LLF could be here to enjoy them too......

The Wish Book.....

Last night I was channel surfing when I came upon a story about the beginnings of Sears, Roebuck & Company.  Since I am a history buff and love biographies, I stopped surfing and became lost in the story.  It seems that founder Richard Sears not only was a risk taker, but had the foresight to introduce to the masses a lifestyle that they could only dream about.  Whatever you could want or think you could want was found within the 1200+ pages of his mail order catalog.  It was even rumored that Henry Ford visited and toured his fulfillment house and implemented Sears' organization of order processing into his auto assembly line.....

So what does this have to do with me and my blog?  Well.....when I was a little girl the arrival of the Sears, Roebuck & Company Christmas catalog was the beginning of the holiday season.  The catalog arrived at the end of October and by the time December 1st arrived, it was well worn, dog-eared and had pages turned down to mark what I longed for......

My dad was the one who explained to me that this was really The Wish Book......due to the fact the every page had something I wished for.....and I wished for a lot!  

I'm still wishing for things, but not the material kind.....I wish for peace and love for all my family and friends (both past, present and future); I wish for no more war; I wish for the hand of God to reach into the Gulf of Mexico and stop the destruction of the animal life of the sea.....I wish for gainful employment for all of us who are on the outside looking in.....maybe in my own way, I've taken The Wish Book to the next level....

And you know, this is a good thing!

Happy Anniversary!

When I was a kid I used to love listening to the stories my dad would tell about the 'olden days'.  What was even more fun was when all the aunts and uncles would get together and one would start a story, which led to more stores and then to even more stories....

I especially liked the ones which involved my mom and dad....how they met, what they did.....years later my mom finally confessed about their first date....it was not accidental; it was planned!  My dad did say that he thought it was strange that mom looked so good when he picked her up on such a short notice.  She had her hair done up and was wearing her good pearls.  It was one of those stores I never got tired of hearing and it always ended with my dad telling my Uncle Joe that it was all his fault 'cause he was the one who suggested the double date to begin with.....

Where does the time go?  Wasn't it just yesterday we were kids riding our bikes, running the streets and always home when 'the street lights came on'.....?  Not too long ago I was talking with my Cousin Bobby about how much fun we use to have and he also asked where did the time go?  My only answer was I guess we sneezed and it was over.....

If my father was still alive, today would have been their 58th Wedding Anniversary and as much as I would like to remember,  their married life was not all love, kisses, fun and games....there were times when finances made it difficult to spend an extra penny on anything....but still they stayed together thru thick and thin....my mother oversaw my father's care for the last 2 years of his life and when he passed a part of her died with him. 

Oh Daddy....what I wouldn't give to hear you tell your stories just one more time....

Happy Anniversary to both of you!

No News is Good News?

When I was young, long before the internet, e-mail, cell phones, twitter et al, we received the majority of our information thru the United States Postal Service.  Sure, we had news on television (delivered by Walter Cronkite) but getting the daily mail was a treat.....you never knew what you would get.  I'm not talking about bills; I'm talking about cards and letters from friends and family members.  Long before Federal Express and UPS there was a thing called 'Parcel Post'....packages delivered along with your daily mail.

The Holidays were exciting times back then.....each day the mailman would bring stacks and stacks of Christmas cards from far-a-way friends, war buddies of my dad, and even next door neighbors and signed with love and messages meant to help keep you warm thru the long and cold West Virginia winters.  We would use the cards as part of our holiday decor...setting them on tables, hanging them on walls and keeping them year after year.  

I know you're thinking 'well, we can send an e-card'...yes, we can, but it's just not the same.....

Growing up there was a candy called 'Mallo-Mars'.  It was similar to Reese Cups, but was filled with marshmallow instead of peanut butter.  Inside were cards with point values and if you saved enough you could send off and get a full box (12) of more!  Gosh, my brother and I would eat them by the dozens just to get the point cards.  We anxiously waited for the 'Parcel Post' to bring our freebies....sometimes the heat of the sun melted them so Mom had to put them in the 'fridge to harden before we could eat them...

I sure miss those Mallo-Mars......getting the mail is just not the same.....

Hats!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away it was extremely fashionable for ladies to wear hats.  Hats were worn when a lady went shopping or when a lady went to church.  A lady's ensemble was never complete without her matching hat (as well as gloves, purse, shoes).  Her hat was akin to her crown and she wore it regally.

As a little girl I remember going with my mother to hat shop.  There was no 'self-service' here; a salesgirl greeted you as you entered the shop, sat you down in front of a skirted table with a 3 sided mirror and began to bring hats to try.  The 3 sided mirror was there solely for the purpose of viewing how you looked in a particular hat from all angles.....

I genuinely miss those days and I've had them, as well as my mother, on my mind quite a bit here recently.  I have never made it a secret that my mother and I never got along well.  From the time I could remember we argued about anything and everything; she could be very condescending towards me.  My dad, God bless him, seemed to run interference for me.....I never could understand some of her reasoning. 

I'm still working thru some of the demons of my past, but have relied on help from above to get thru some very trying times.  I now understand my mothers actions towards me.

Mom, I love you and I forgive you....and I really miss hat shopping with you.

What If There Isn't Any More?

I sent the following this morning to all my Facebook friends and those listed on my e-mail address book.  It was sent to me by a really good friend (and decent guy, Mike) and for those of you who didn't get this message earlier, I wanted to share it with you.

"One day a woman's husband died, and on that clear, cold morning, in the warmth of their bedroom, the wife was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't "anymore". No more hugs, no more special moments to celebrate together, no more phone calls just to chat, no more "just one minute." Sometimes, what we care about the most gets all used up and goes away, never to return before we can say good-bye, say 'I love you'.

So while we have it, it's best we love it, care for it, fix it when it's broken and heal it when it's sick. This is true for marriage.....And old cars... And children with bad report cards, and dogs with bad hips, and aging parents and grandparents. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it. 

Some things we keep -- like a best friend who moved away (Connie!) or a sister-in-law after divorce (Debi!). There are just some things that make us happy, no matter what. 


Life is important, like people we know who are special.. And so, we keep them close! 

I received this from someone who thought I was a 'keeper'! Then I sent it to the people I think of in the same way... Now it's your turn to send this to all those people who are "keepers" in your life, including the person who sent it, if you feel that way. Suppose one morning you never wake up, do all your friends know you love them? 


I was thinking...I could die today, tomorrow or next week, and I wondered if I had any wounds needing to be healed, friendships that needed rekindling or three words needing to be said.. 


Let every one of your friends know you love them. Even if you think they don't love you back, you would be amazed at what those three little words and a smile can do. And just in case I'm gone tomorrow:

I LOVE YA!!! 

Live today because tomorrow is not promised. "

Wanted: Cabana Boy!

Last year I had a wonderful summer.....I laid out in the sun (in front of a fan sans clothes!), drank gin flavored Crystal Lite (or maybe Cuervo Cuervo Tequila depending upon my mood) and when I got too hot I had  my cabana boy spritz me down.  Cabana boy also grilled whatever I was craving at the time.....

Now cabana boy is gone....so I'm looking to hire for this summer.  Qualifications/duties include, but are not limited to:

• Must be able to multi-task (spritz and talk at the same time)
• Be up on current politics
• Have some semblance of intelligence
• Expert/advanced level of grilling

This is not an entry level position; experience preferred.  Please submit current resume and cover letter explaining why you are interested in this position and why you feel I should hire you.

Friendship ala Sex and the City.....

Last nite me, BFF and BFF's granddaughter took time out to go see the girls of Sex and the City 2.  While watching Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte, I couldn't help but wonder how these 4 very different women became the best of friends.  I know you must be thinking it's only a movie.....but these 4 characters have the strengths and weaknesses to make each individual person an integral part of each other.  Of course they don't play nice with each other all the time, but they never hold grudges, which I find fascinating....

Women never bury hurt, pain, frustration, fear deep inside....they rely on each other as counselors, psychologists, etc.  They talk out their problems and find solutions.

Men, however, are different....men are too 'macho' to allow other men to see their weaknesses....don't talk about what's bugging you, just go have a beer, watch some sports and pack all the pain and fear deep down inside.  The end result is a big gooey tar build up around their hearts, solar plexus and throats.  And when the fear gets to be too much, they vanish like a thief in the night....some even re-locate from place to place and state to state hoping to run away from their fears.  This doesn't work guys....you carry your fears within you and where you go it goes.

I'm not saying that men should be more like women....not at all!  Both sexes need balance to keep order in the Universe....but what I would like to see are more men who confront their fears and release them....kinda like the girls of Sex and the City.....

Take My Breath Away.....

Mind over matter?  What in the hell does this mean, anyway....? Is it the belief that the mind is more powerful than the body?  Personally I have had too many 'coincidences' to believe in accidents....whether we like it or not we are all hooked into a Powerful Being.  And I, for one, am glad of it.

I have a small sign taped onto my computer to remind me of what I believe in:

1. There is only One Presence and One Power, God the Good, Omnipotence
2. If God is everywhere, God is also within everyone
3. Our thoughts create our reality
4. Pray affirmatively giving thanks for what you desire
5. Practice these four principles to the best of your ability each and every day

Have a wonderful day, week, month, year, life!











(Sunset by God; photo by Samantha Walters)

Memories.....

Do you remember the song by Paul Anka:  The Times of Your Life....?  I listened to it today and although I've heard is hundreds of time I really, really listened to the lyrics this time.  I guess I'm feeling very nostalgic...you see I belong to Facebook and today I received a request to join the group The Green Parrot.

Those of you not familiar with the Green Parrot most likely have no idea what I am talking about.  But, suffice it to say, the Green Parrot was truly the best hole-in-the-wall dive in this entire world....I spent many weekend nites there during my senior year at Notre Dame High School (Class of '71).  You didn't have to worry if you were the legal age or not (18 at the time), because no one ever carded you....you walked in, searched thru the crowd, found your friends and ordered a Stroh's (draft) beer.....the juke box was always playing the latest songs, people were either dancing or throwing up (and sometimes both at the same time, if memory serves me correctly).  And when someone played "Country Roads" by John Denver we hugged each other, sang with him and cried.....that was our National Anthem!

We had so much fun.....no one ever worried about what trials and tribulations Monday morning would bring.  Who cared??  

The Green Parrot is no longer at the foot of Bridgeport Hill on Rt. 50.....but in our hearts it is still reelin' and rockin'......

Putting Down Roots....Pulling Up Weeds

While looking at the very small patch of ground surrounding my equally small patio, I was amazed at the number of weeds that had appeared almost over night.  Not being the kind of person who really likes to dig in the dirt (that's my son, not me), I decided to bite the bullet, put on the 2 piece and catch some rays while I pulled weeds.

As I pulled my thoughts began to wander aimlessly to, once again, LLF and this time last year.....yes, it's going to take a while to get over this rejection.  (So, if you follow my blog with any regularity, you are going to be reading about him.....I will try not to bore you.)  While pulling I couldn't help but notice the roots of the bushes planted.  Some weeds were intertwined with the roots and I had to make sense as to what should be left and what needed to be pulled.  

I couldn't help but attempt to rationalize, again, what actually happened between us.  When did the relationship go from one where it was established (like the roots of a plant), easy, fun, exciting to rejection, sorrow, heartache, loneliness...and yes I did shed more than a few tears.

Well meaning friends say the old stand-bys:  Someone better is coming down the pike for you; he didn't deserve you; time to get on with your life....and for anyone who has suffered thru heartache, heartbreak, rejection they might as well be speaking in a foreign tongue.  What if he was the someone better and somehow I blew it or maybe he felt he was getting too comfortable and had to leave....I've always been one to have to have answers.  I cannot tolerate loose ends; unfinished business....I have to have closure.  Had he stayed maybe things would have worked out and then again maybe we would have become bored with each other and parted as friends....this way I'll never know the what might have beens could have been.

He's still around in my heart and my head.....who knows for how long.....but one thing I do know is that I'm extremely cautious about leaving myself open for another relationship any time soon.....my heart needs time to heal.....

I Forgive Me

While talking with a new spiritual friend yesterday, we got on the subject of people in our past: what happened; what changed; why did they leave.....she was quite candid when she asked me "Have you forgiven yourself?".  I must have given her a funny look because she said that it is wonderful to love yourself and to forgive others, but there are times when you have to forgive yourself.  Many times we continue to beat ourselves up over past incidents that have happened and are now over with and gone.....

Totally new concept to me, the good little Italian Catholic girl....isn't guilt part of our heritage and shouldn't we walk around in sack cloth covered with ash to show our sorrow?  That is not what this Great Universe has planned for each of us as she so quickly reminded me.....we are here in this lifetime to learn, grow AND teach others....maybe those in our past leave because they have completed their lesson with us or maybe our positive light is just too bright for them to accept and they must go.  Or maybe once you forgive yourself they come back because that is your lesson to learn and not theirs.  Pretty heavy stuff, don't you think? 

My journey towards enlightenment and spiritualism is one that is ongoing....similar to the layers of an onion.  Keep peeling back the layers to find even more questions and then searching for the person or opportunity to answer those questions for you.  Is it possible to let go of something that you want so desperately and then find that it returns to you?  Can you do that?  Hmmmmm.....I wonder......

So now each morning when I look at myself in the mirror I say to my lovely reflection that not only do I love me, but I forgive me.....it's worth a shot and besides maybe another layer will begin to peel away....

Pay It Forward...

Several years ago there was a movie called 'Pay It Forward'.  It was the story of a boy who felt the world could be made a better place by doing a needed favor for three different people without being asked, and then ask them to do the same for three others.  I liked this concept; so simple, yet so difficult.  People are generally cynical and wary of something being done for them without any type of compensation.

You all know that I am going thru some 'challenging' times at present.  I have been without a steady job for 16 months.  Although I do my best to keep my spirits up, there are days when it is just near impossible to remain calm and keep my faith.  I have never been one to rely on anyone's help; I've always been able to take care of myself...but this time there are just too many balls in the air to continually juggle.

I know I will get thru this time as all difficulties eventually end....but today turned out to be one of those days where I was able to be on the receiving end of a Pay It Forward.  My bank account had a balance of $29.73 and my gas tank was empty (so empty, the 'Check Gauge' lite was literally screaming at me from my dashboard).  I had $1 on me...so I put $20 in the gas tank and since it is Crusade for Children weekend and I was stopped at an intersection, I donated the $1 to the kids....I figure they needed it more than me.  While driving home I mentally started to juggle how I was going to last until next weekend on $9.73.....???

When I got home I found a card in my mailbox with no return address, just a note saying that this person had gone thru some rough times and was helped out by an anonymous friend.  This person also went on to say that when the opportunity arose the kindness would be forwarded to a 'perfect person'.  Also enclosed were five $20 bills.  I broke down and sobbed....and I thanked God for this kindness and this friend....

And yes, you can be sure that when I'm back on my feet again, I will most definitely Pay It Forward.....

God Bless you my dear, dear friend.....

To Cool or Not to Cool...That is the Question

Several light years ago, I was married to a man whose sole purpose in life was to make me uncomfortable.  No, I don't mean emotionally or mentally....I mean physically as in "we're not turning on the air-conditioner until the outside temperature reaches 100 degrees three days in a row" or making sure our home was akin to an igloo in the winter....I dreaded the long, hot summers which were soon to be followed by long, cold winters.  And what is sad is the fact the neighbors heard our heated discussions about why I had to remain hot, sweaty and wilted.  For those of you who really know me, you know that I am not one to suffer in silence.

When I became an independent woman, I finally had control of the thermostat....and I felt empowered....I could adjust the temperature according to MY wants and needs and whims.  Later when David and I began living together it was like I found my temperature soul mate.  We both liked warm and toasty in the winter and ice berg cold in summer, in fact it was like winter inside during the summers.  I loved it!

A couple of years ago LLF (long lost friend) entered my life.  Unfortunately, he was more like the ex-husband than the ex-finance.....let's see how hot it gets before we are compelled to turn on the air conditioning he had a fondness for saying; we can stand it; we'll just use fans the old fashioned way; we never had air when I was growing up.  I liked the guy so I figured if he could stand it so could I.  It was a competition each month to see who received the lowest LG&E (Louisville Gas & Electric) bill.  I really got into this challenge and knew I had finally won when he had to break down and turn on his air before me.....Woo hoo!!!!! 

LLF is gone, but I still like the idea of having the lowest possible LG&E monthly bill......and although the temperature and humidity have hit record highs for this time of year, I still have managed to come out with only owing the guys $44.42 for this month.  The funny thing is I don't feel like I'm suffering; I feel like I saving money.....and, besides, if I get too hot I can always drive around the block a couple of times with the air conditioning blasting in my car, all vents pointed at me, by the way....

So Let the Sun Shine In!

I awoke this morning to the birds tweeting, sun shining and my cat, Boo, meowing to come in after spending a nite out cruising the 'hood.  As I walked from my bedroom on my way to letting him in I noticed the sun trying to shine into my home thru the dirtiest windows I had ever seen...yep, they belonged to me.  So, without missing a beat I knew what my daily chore was going to be....

As much as I hate to admit it, I've washed my windows maybe once since I moved in....and I am celebrating my 9th year on August 1.  So out came the big Tupperware container (which doubles as a bucket, because the bucket I do own is full of 'stuff' in my garage), the obligatory rags (old Italian term for a cloth that has used up any other purpose) and some type of cleaning agent I could use to blast thru 9 years worth of wind, rain, snow.  My mother (who's hobby was cleaning and had windows that glistened any time of day or night, regardless of the weather) would have been horrified to see how I let mine go.  So, taking a cue from her, I decided to use a drop of Dawn dish washing liquid in the water, just to see if it really cuts grease and grime.  After all, I've used it to wash my hair (another 'blog' for another day!) and the commercials show how gentle it is on the ducks who get stuck in oil.....

And as I washed my windows I remember a song that my Dad taught me when I was 5 years old.  Daddy was a terrific musician and growing up there was always music playing in some way shape or form.  One nite there was a family gathering at my Aunt Rose's house.  She was Daddy's oldest sister and he adored her.  When it came time for entertainment, Daddy sat down at the keyboards and began to play the new song he taught me.....wanting me to sing.....I know you won't believe this, but I didn't want to, I was too shy.  However, Daddy always knew how to get me to do something and that had to do with paying me.  He offered me a whole nickel to sing.....and so I sang:  So let the sun shine in, face it with a grin....smilers never lose and frowners never win....so let the sun shine in, face it with a grin....open up your heart and let the sun shine in!.

I remember that nite like it was yesterday, not 50+ years ago....and as I remembered the words to that song I realized that lately I have been opening my heart and allowing the sun to shine in and although the sun does come in thru dirty windows, it really does pour in thru the clean ones.

And now, you may ask, what did I learn from this?  Well, Dawn is dynamite on windows; the sun is always in the sky even if clouds block it and to continue to remember that smilers never lose and frowners never win!

Mom would be very proud of the lessons I learned from this simple chore....

Is Popcorn a Vegetable?

Living alone has its' pluses and minuses....I can watch what I want on television without having to compromise, watch 'chick-flick' after 'chick-flick' dvd and eat whatever and whenever I like....and then when it comes to eating a nutritious, decent meal.....well that's another matter entirely.

When LLF (long lost friend) was in my life I was always assured a few good meals....he would cook, portion it out in divided containers and deliver it to me....boy he was better than the Domino's man....all I had to do was say what I wanted and like magic it was delivered to my door (or actually, from my garage thru my laundry room). Even now I could really go for one of his fantastic Pepper Burgers.....each patty was about 1/2 lb. of beef with an indentation in the middle filled with black pepper.  The secret, he would say, is not to press down on the burger as it's cooking....that way all the good juices would remain in the patty....and on the side, always sauteed onions (in butter)!  I would gladly give any important body part to have his delivery service once again.

Ahh.....when I dream about his cooking, my mouth begins to water....just like Pavlov's dog and I don't even need to hear a bell....

So even though I can do what I want, when I want and watch what I want, the only cooking I seem to be doing lately is taking the plastic wrap off a bag of microwave popcorn, putting the bag in my microwave and hitting the 'Popcorn' button....Dinner?  Maybe.  Vegetable?  Doubtful....

So, LLF, do ya think you could swing by this weekend with a couple of burgers????  I'll gladly share one of my 'Little Debbie Swiss Rolls' with you for dessert....

Just Wright!

Remember the story of the 3 bears....?  Too hot; too cold; just right.....well that's what happens during the course of friendships....

Last nite me, BFF and BFF's granddaughter had an outing....nothing spectacular, just a movie and then a bite to eat.  But it was a 'feel good' nite.  It's wonderful to come together with an old friend and see how we've grown, changed, evolved, matured.  Friendships come and friendships go and then there are some friendships that are destined to withstand the winds of change and the sands of time.  Sounds pretty poetic, doesn't it? Maybe we needed the 6 year break to go off and do 'our thing'....but in my heart I know that we've both learned to count on each other in times of change....

This is what I have learned: no matter what comes into our respective lives, we will be supportive of each other; lean on each other; maybe have a disagreement or two and never let any man come between us again.

And no matter what, we will always take time for us to go off and have some fun....!

Girls may rule, but Ladies rock...here's to us and our long, long friendship!

Do the Funky Chicken

There are days that are nice; there are days that are pretty and then there are days that are gorgeous....and today was a gorgeous day.....picture perfect blue sky and heavenly white Cool-Whip clouds floating by....today the sky looked just like a screen saver.....only it was real.....

And today reminded me of this time last year with my long, lost friend.....today was the kind of day we would listen to the kids radio station (WNAS in New Albany), soak up some rays, have in-depth conversations and cook chicken wings on the grill.  I was in awe of his chicken wings; even Col. Sanders would have agreed they were the best.....I would barely wait until they were done.  Sometimes burning my fingers trying to pull them apart....I always liked the little wing part the best (it was crunchy!).  By the time they were actually completed with the hot sauce (Texas Pete), I was so full of wings, celery with ranch dressing and Crystal Lite (flavored with Fleischmann's Gin) that I was the most content woman in the world.....

How was I to know I would fall in love with the wings, the corned beef, the pot roast and everything else he cooked....I miss them.....and in my heart I'm hoping I'll get a chance to taste them again.....

How Does It Feel to Want?

Wants....Needs....Desires....are these the same or are they completely different?  For instance:

• I desperately want my mother to be well again, living in her own home and not in a Nursing Home
• I desperately need employment, 15 months is way too long to have to depend on the State, the kindness of family and an odd job here or there to survive
• I desperately desire some sense of normalcy to my life

Are these pipe dreams, a type of pie-in-the sky/waiting for my ship to come in wishes?  Maybe yes and then maybe no.  I am intelligent enough to know that I am not the only person in the universe suffering from stress, pressure and an occasional bout of depression.  But what really hurts are the people who promised to help me, stick by me, be there for me when I needed them who have quickly vanished from my life.  Why?  What did I do to drive them away?

I can only look deep inside myself to discover that I kept my part of the friendship or the arrangement or whatever name you want to attach to the situation.....I was mistress, confidant, co-worker....then solitary survivor......

One thing I have learned in the past 2 years is that it is o.k. to say "no, I don't want to go" or "no I don't want to do that" or "no I am not going to do that"......I have also learned that I will not be controlled by anyone any more, even if that means I want white lights on my Christmas tree and not multi-colored ones, after all it is MY tree.....

So, how does it feel to want?  Does it give you an empty feeling inside, hmmmm??

No Redneck Joke.....!

E-mail jokes.....passed around....funny, thoughtful, disrespectful.....

This morning I received the attached from a friend of mine.  I was absolutely stunned as to the simplicity of the oil spill solution....by 2 farmers......

I'm asking the government to watch and learn.

Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5SxX2EntEo

Did You Vote Today?

Would you believe it if I told you there is at least one 57 year old man in the Commonwealth of Kentucky who has NEVER voted?  Yep, it's true!  Today I was listening to WHAS 84 talk radio. The topic had to do with voting in the primary election....the host, Mandy Connell, took a call from a man who said in his 57 years he had never voted (in any election)......he basically said that there was no one he felt could do the job and so he just didn't vote....quite frankly he almost sounded proud of that fact.  And people have to ask what is wrong with our country!

It is our right, NOT our privilege, our RIGHT to vote in all elections.....this is why the Founding Fathers broke away from England....we are all equal in the eyes of the law.....I'm furious that people are so cavalier about this.  And it is this attitude that is causing our country to become top heavy with career politicians.....as a nation we are becoming lazy and now with the health care fiasco we are on our way to becoming socialist.  Let the government take care of us!?! Are you crazy?????

My wonderful father always had a saying (among many) about a non-qualified political candidate: "I wouldn't vote for him if he was running for dog catcher"....well, daddy, maybe you wouldn't because you took the time to know the candidates and the issues but maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there who deserves a chance to try his hand at being a dog catcher.....and if not he could always be voted out!

Exercise your right.....VOTE!!!!

Sometimes Ya Just Gotta Cut Your Losses....

You know how some things look really good on paper (or in theory) but when you get to actually implementing them, they suck?  Kinda like communism....and you know how that turned out....

Although I profess to accept people and situations for what and who they are there are times when enough is enough and you just gotta walk away.....

A situation in my life had been brewing for the past month and came to a head last night.  I don't like to admit failure, but the time had come for something to end.  I felt I was backed into a corner and was being controlled and manipulated.  And, as always, it's a little thing that is the straw that breaks the camels back.  I realized that something I thought I was part of was just not true, so I have walked away....

I'm not heartbroken about it, but the drama I became involved in was too much and so......I cut my losses.  I had to learn my lesson the hard way, but I did learn.....

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough....

...go Shopping!

I spent the majority of yesterday with BFF and her granddaughter shopping for odds 'n' ends, shoes and having a girls lunch.  This made me realize that although life can hand you lemons sometimes, it's what you do with your time while you are getting the necessary ingredients to make lemonade....

I needed this day to get back on track....I needed to have fun with just the girls.....I needed to get out from the gray cloud that I feel I have been under for far too long....

My batteries have been re-charged!  Next outing, we'll be going to see 'Sex and the City 2' and I'll even spring for the popcorn.....

Girls may rule, but Ladies rock!

Four Years Ago.....

Four years ago, today, my world crumbled.....four years ago today, my world was turned upside down....four years ago today life would never be the same for me....four years ago today David took his own life.....

I'm not going to re-write his eulogy or his own personal history....David had a monkey on his back that he could not shake.  And no matter how much I loved him, cared for him, begged and pleaded with him, he was the only one who had the ability to throw that monkey off...

Those of you who knew him will agree with me that he was kindest most loving man in the world; extremely intelligent...would give you the shirt off his back.  He was a great problem solver for other people; he had great ideas.....but the one person he couldn't or wouldn't help was himself.....

All he wanted in life was to be loved and accepted by his father, mother and siblings....they turned their backs on him and he got to the point where that pain was too great to live with.  They have that guilt to carry as their burdens for the remainder of their lives.

But I'm not going to dwell on that here....I am going to remember him with great affection; I will laugh at some of the things we did together, the trips we took, the times we went dancing....how he loved to hear me sing....

I have become a stronger person because of my experiences with him....I no longer try to control others, I let each person I know live their own life....and because I knew David I consider myself truly blessed....

Lovingly,

Pammy

Dream a Little Dream of Me.....

I believe in dreams....no, not the ones where we fantasize about our goals....I mean the ones we experience when we sleep.....I believe that in order for our body to rest, the spirit must leave it.  When the spirit leaves it goes out and does wonderful, exciting things.....haven't you had a problem that needed solving, slept on it and in the morning you had the answer?  That is your spirit at work....Spirit never rests; it doesn't have to.  It is that part of us which resides in a different dimension than the space/time that we are familiar with.

Have you ever experienced something in a dream that was so real, you were disappointed when you realized that it didn't happen?  My former husband dreamt one night that he had purchased a new truck and was so sure that it was real that in the morning he jumped out of bed to check the driveway.  When he found no shiny new truck he was depressed the entire day!

I had such a dream last night (no, not the one about a new vehicle).  It is too personal to go into detail here, but just let me say it put me in a terrific mood all day.....

Maybe my Spirit knew that I needed some cheering up.....I dunno, but I am thankful for what I experienced last night as I slept....Hopefully, tonight's 'movie' will be just as wonderful....