How Does My Garden Grow?

This time last year I was, once again, looking forward to planting tomatoes in a very small patch of soil I have surrounding my very small patio.  This was the second year I had decided to do so with the help of a (now long lost) friend.....we cultivated and grew from seeds the best cherry tomatoes I had ever tasted.....sweet as the sunshine, perfectly round and red.....it was difficult for me to not pick them before they were completely ripened.....there was always a disagreement or two as to which ones needed to remain on the vines.....

But, that was last year......

I'm not sure if I have the internal strength to lovingly place those little seeds in the ground this year.....maybe I should let the soil rest and rejuvenate; give it a year off.....

Sometimes the smallest memories are the most difficult to let go, maybe I'm not ready yet...but then maybe next year my garden will want to grow again.....

It's Just a Matter of Trust

We're all familiar with the GEICO commercials.  But the one that really stands out is  where the CEO is talking to the little gecko about trust.  He then proceeds to want to do the famous 'trust' exercise where you fall backwards and have a person stand behind you to catch you as you fall.  In theory this should work, but just like communism it looks great on paper......

I thought about this as I was listening to my BFF yesterday tell me about a REALLY bad experience she had that afternoon which involved a man.  As she sobbed on the phone my heart went out to her.  I so wanted to have the power to make all the hurt and pain she was feeling go away.....and really for about the gazzillionth time in my life I wished I either had a Magic Wand or knew Mafia.....I know how she feels;  I, too, have just gone thru major hurt, rejection and heartache within the past 3 months.  Every question she had I also had:  why did we do what we did; why did we say what we said; why did we give our love and trust to someone only to have it thrown back in our faces?

BFF is now gun-shy about future relationships; she feels she'll be unable to trust again.  I agreed with her, but there will come a time when both of us will get over our respective rejections and we will heal.  Hearts are like that, they may feel like they're breaking, but in actuality they are just becoming stronger.....

Don't worry girlfriend.....when the time comes I'll be right behind you, just like that little gecko......

99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall

While perusing my 'fridge last nite looking for something to eat, I stared at the 7 cans of beer residing on the lower shelf inside the door.  It's not that I've not noticed them before, but as I looked at them I was reminded of the person who left them there.  Which led me to thinking about all the items various men have left in my house thru the years.

What is it about men who are invited to come into your personal space then leave you high and dry (like thieves in the nite), but manage to leave a personal item or two or three for you to have to deal with?  Even now I'm still finding things from my late fiance and he's been gone for 4 years!

So I decided to go on a scavenger hunt to see what else I could locate from the last man.  What I found astounded me:

• 1 VCR
• 1 small television
• 1 blender
• 3 food containers (1 of which was still filled with coffee)
• 1 pr. of scrubs
• 2 turtle necks
• 2 dress shirts
• 1 board game
• 1 cookie sheet used to grill chicken wings
• 1shredder (I guess he felt I needed to get rid of covert documents)

At this point I got tired and quit looking......

When I get up enough energy I'll resume my search and drag it all to the garage, hopefully in time for the next city wide yard sale.

In the meantime, I'll make sure that the next gentlemen not even leave a comment at my place.  It's my space and I'm tired of all the dogs that come in and 'mark their territory'....

1 Bead, 2 Beads, Red Beads, Blue Beads

This afternoon as I sat in my office designing a couple of bracelets, I couldn't help but wonder about the old Dr. Seuss book.  Did he really write about different numbers and colors or did he have a deeper meaning to his story.  As I thought about how I used to read this story to my son when he was a child an amazing thought came to my mind.  Maybe Dr. Seuss' underlying meaning had to do with how everyone's uniqueness and individuality makes up the entire group of living organisms here on earth.  All species together; all species relying on each other for their existence (or for their demise, if that be the case).  How the 'Circle of Life' affects us all.

As I continued to lay out my design, I had another thought:  what if the story of 1 Fish, 2 Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish had to do with the different layers that make up a human being.  Think about it, we are physical, mental, emotional, spiritual all rolled into one distinct unit.  Somehow this comforted me.  Just like layers to an onion, we all have the treasures of our soul hidden inside us and it is up to us to examine each layer like a fine diamond.  Only when we understand one layer should we go on to the next.  

Maybe I'm getting more philosophical as I age; maybe it's the fact I have too much time on my hands or maybe it's the beads talking to me....but the way I see it we are like the multi-faceted beads in a bracelet.  Each different and enchanting it its' own way, but magnificent as the whole.

Servant or To Serve?

I don't know if any of you saw the 2002 movie 'Maid in Manhattan' with Jennifer Lopez.  If not, to give you a  very brief synopsis, she plays a maid for a 5-star New York hotel and has dreams of moving up the corporate ladder and into hotel management.  After being accused of a wrongdoing she is fired.  As she is cleaning out her locker, she is told by the character played by Bob Hoskins that "To serve people takes dignity and intelligence. But remember, they are only people with money. And although we serve them, we are not their servants. What we do does not define who we are. What defines us is how well we rise after falling".

I thought about this quote this morning as I was doing some things that I really didn't care to be doing.  I know that the Universe has me on the right path.  I know that God is exceedingly - abundantly - increasingly - immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine. 

So this morning as I completed these tasks, I made sure to remind myself that I was not a servant, only serving and that even now I am rising after my fall......

Can You Buy Fleas at a Flea Market?

After spending the past 8 weekends selling my beaded, handcrafted jewelry at a Flea Market close to home, I'm still amazed at the variety of items that are either bought, sold or bartered by the regulars.....you name it, it can be yours:  pure-bred puppies, belly-button rings, cotton candy, exotic birds......

What makes the market so much fun are the different ethnic groups that come together each weekend to show their wares.  In the booth next to me  is an Hispanic lady selling Mary Kay Cosmetics and across the aisle is a man from Somalia who sells everything imaginable from cell phone accessories to sunglasses to socks.  The atmosphere is alive and makes me feel as if I'm in a foreign land.  I can just close my eyes and picture all of the vendors transported to a community market in a small village somewhere in a country whose inhabitants are not familiar with shopping malls, drive thru eateries or smog filled traffic.  People who actually enjoy what they're doing......

Today I was approached by a woman from Barbados who also makes handcrafted jewelry.  Although we are both jewelry artists, we make different types.  She was impressed with mine and has asked me to become part of her next show.....see what can happen if you branch out of your comfort zone.....who knows where this might lead!

I'm not sure if you can buy fleas at a Flea Market, but I am sure that you can find colorful, new friends.....

The Trauma of the Telephone Interview

Is it me or has the entire Interview process become more impersonal than ever?  Back in the 'good old days' when you were looking for work, you read the Classifieds section of the newspaper.  Sunday was always the big day as new ads came out and you could spend hours combing the different categories looking for suitable employment.  The majority of the ads asked to please respond by sending your resume to a P.O. Box number.  In a few days you either received a phone call to schedule a face-to-face interview or a polite 'thank you for your interest; we'll keep your resume on file if something suitable comes up' letter.

Now it looks like the newspaper is going the way of the horse and buggy (God forbid the government step in and attempt to bail them out!).  To get a shot at some of the really good positions it is now necessary to be signed up with at least 3 placement agencies, have your resume posted on every type of web site for maximum exposure and, if you're one of the lucky ones chosen, you get the Telephone Interview. 

Ah, yes, the trauma of the telephone interview......how many of us have spent sleepless nites wondering and worrying about what was going to be asked; how we can sell ourselves; how we can make sure we stand out in the crowd.  How can we become one of the lucky few chosen to actually come in and talk to a real, live person!

I was recently tagged to begin an interview process for a dynamite position with a reputable company and here is how it went:

• Received an e-mail reiterating the entire job description, asking if I was still interested.  If so, please respond to said e-mail with date/time of my availability to have an initial 15 minute telephone screening.
• Replied to said e-mail advising yes, I was still interested and gave date/time to call
• Had 15 minute screening, which lasted all of 9 minutes (and this included the polite amenities of how I was, was this a good time to talk, etc.) with someone who sounded like a high school senior (she was in Pennsylvania).
• Since I made it thru the screening, the next step was to schedule a competency interview for 8:15 am on Saturday morning, which was to last 30 minutes.
• Up at 7:00 am the morning of the competency interview; interviewer called at 8:20 am (5 minutes late!).  While she read from a script (she was located in New York and also sounded like a high school senior), I was instructed that I would be asked a total of 6 questions and I could take my time answering (yeah, nothing like having your stomach in knots and being told to take your time!).  I felt like I was either ready to confess to a murder on the witness stand or walk the plank (and walking the plank didn't sound so bad, either).  At the end of the 6 questions I was asked if I had any questions of her.  I did; I asked how she felt I did, did my answers correspond to what they were looking for.  In the middle of my question, I was stopped and told that her responsibility was to report my answers and that was it.  I should have kept my mouth shut.  Oh and by the way this lasted 24 minutes.
• Was then told that 'someone' would be in touch in about 5 - 10 days for the next step (if I made it) for another Telephone Interview.

I have to remain positive about this whole process.  Besides how many interviews can you have where you get to wear your fuzzy turquoise robe, no make-up and make faces while you're being interviewed.

Gee, I hope they remember to send the polite letter.......

The Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

A long lost BFF recently came back into my life.....several years ago we had a nasty quarrel about a man and ended up going our separate ways.  It's not that I wanted that particular man; I knew that man was not right for her.  But it's like everything else that happens in our lives; to learn what we have to learn, we have to go through circumstances and situations first hand.  And this was something she had to experience.  When we hooked back up and she filled me in on what a first class jerk he turned out to be, I didn't say "I told you so", I said "Did you learn your lesson"?  We all have lessons to learn and it's not right to tell anyone how to live their life.  And it most certainly is not right to dictate to anyone whom they should spend their time with.

Tonight we got together and spent about 3 hours talking about all the old times we shared, some good and some not so good.  We laughed a lot and then she reminded me of some of the not so good times I spent with someone who had been in my life for 9 years; some things I had completely forgotten about.  And I wondered if I had made different choices/different decisions would I be the same person I am now.

There are times I stop and wonder what my life would be like if I had stayed married.  Would I feel safe, secure or would I feel trapped and stagnant?  Only God knows the answer to this......and if I had the opportunity to re-do my past I'm not so sure I would do anything differently.

I can say with certainty that I have chosen a wide variety of men to spend time with:  introverts, extroverts, losers, cheaters, liars, sociopaths and even a very egotistical one who professed to abhor drama (and managed to cause more than any woman I know!).

Why is it the ghosts of boyfriends past always manage to rear their ugly heads from time to time?  But then again maybe we need to be reminded of the lessons we are here to learn.

Oh The Games People Play.....

Remember when we all first got our computers and couldn't wait to play games and games of Solitaire? Then when we got really good we jumped to Free Cell.....and maybe a few games of Spider Solitaire thrown in for good measure.....

I cannot tell a lie when I say I got really hooked on the wonder games of my computer....even now I play Dream Day Wedding, then I found Bejeweled Blitz courtesy of my Facebook page......but I still long for the good ole days of board games....nothing beat spending a rainy or snowy afternoon playing Monopoly or Clue (Miss Scarlett in the Conservatory with the candlestick; what in the heck was a 'conservatory' anyway?)......but my favorite game of all is Pay Day. I never really played that game in my youth. A dear, dear friend brought it over to play on one of those wintery days.....what a time we had spending money, taking out loans, fighting over properties (the best we called the Big Kahuna:Two Acres of Vacationland; the worst: the Power Boat). I haven't played that game for a while......the dear friend is gone and I just can't bring myself to play it with anyone else.....

Why do people come into our lives and then leave? Is it true that we rely on others so much that we can't spend time alone with ourselves? I love my down time, I truly do.....but there are long lost friends who I would love to talk to once again, see once in a while and maybe play a fun board game.

Pay Day anyone?

Introspection

According to Mr. Webster, introspection is contemplation of one's own thoughts, feelings or motives; self-examination. I couldn't have said it better myself.....the past couple of weeks of my Pineapple Upside Down Cake life have been just that: self-examination.

I'm not sure how many of you follow astrology (no, not your daily horoscope in the newspaper) , or Spiritualism, but with time on my hands I've begun to go inside myself and figure out why I am the person I am, what kind of person I am and what kind of person I present to the world. I had often heard that before we are born, we make a contract with the Universe to accomplish certain goals, learn lessons and complete karma. And during this time I have come to discover certain things about myself: our thoughts do create our reality, we can manifest everything and anything we desire and we do this by practicing PATIENCE! This is without a doubt the most difficult accomplishment that God has created. I have learned that the world does not revolve around me (although I really wanted it to); I am part of the make up of this wonderful world.

I have also learned that forgiveness ranks right up there with love......forgiveness is such an easy thing to do. However, according to the Daily Kabbalah: dirty dishes can be difficult, but they're even worse if you let them sit for a while. The longer they sit, the harder they are to clean. This is life. Any mistakes, transgressions or negative actions you take are much easier to make right if done immediately.

So to all my wonderful friends, family and those who feel they are my enemies, please forgive me for any wrong I have done to you. I have already forgiven you for what you have done to me, even if you were unaware of the hurt you caused.

Change can be a good thing, but acceptance of each person as they are is an even better thing. A really good friend once told me that a man marries a woman hoping she'll never change and a woman marries a man hoping that he will change.

So I'll end on a positive note: you accept me/I accept you and we all live happily ever after!

Welcome to The Italian Princess!

Yes, it's me! Here I am.....doing something I've always wanted to do. I've read other blogs and always felt, hey I can do that! Why the Italian Princess you may ask....well many of you know that my nickname is Queeni, however I feel that I needed to start out smaller with my blog.....and The Italian Queeni just didn't have the kind of oomph I wanted....so hence The Italian Princess....and as you all know, I am a legend in my own mind and if I want to be royalty, then so be it.

So, here goes....for those of you who know me, you know that my life (as I like to refer to it) is like a Pineapple Upside Down cake. Meaning, I'm still my sweet self, but everything that I knew as routine, comfortable and all that goes with it is now reversed.

For those of you who aren't that familiar with my situation, I have been unemployed for the past 14 months. This is beginning to get on my nerves. During this time I have sent out (approximately) 260 resumes in response to job postings....have had about 6 interviews and NO job offers! This sucks.....I have education, skills, experience and expertise......What is wrong with you employers, don't you know good talent when you see it???? So as I sit at my computer watching the cursor blink back I am at a loss as to what to do next....

To maintain my sanity, every morning and evening, I count my blessings. Yes, I do have a roof over my head (but not sure for how long), a king-sized warm bed to sleep in at nite and food in my 'fridge, a dynamite son....my cat, Boo, has a full bowl of food (plus all the birds and mice he catches and brings home to show he is trying to pull his weight around here)....I do have a strong faith that God is with me and that He won't take me down any path and just leave me there...and, in addition, I've said countless Novenas (good Catholic girl), lit candles to the Blessed Mother and have even cast a few spells! (Don't worry guys, I only use my powers for good...)

So if any of you have any suggestions concerning what direction I could take, send 'em along to me......

P.S. By the way.....yesterday was my birthday......so a really nice gift would be EMPLOYMENT!!!!