I Forgive Me

While talking with a new spiritual friend yesterday, we got on the subject of people in our past: what happened; what changed; why did they leave.....she was quite candid when she asked me "Have you forgiven yourself?".  I must have given her a funny look because she said that it is wonderful to love yourself and to forgive others, but there are times when you have to forgive yourself.  Many times we continue to beat ourselves up over past incidents that have happened and are now over with and gone.....

Totally new concept to me, the good little Italian Catholic girl....isn't guilt part of our heritage and shouldn't we walk around in sack cloth covered with ash to show our sorrow?  That is not what this Great Universe has planned for each of us as she so quickly reminded me.....we are here in this lifetime to learn, grow AND teach others....maybe those in our past leave because they have completed their lesson with us or maybe our positive light is just too bright for them to accept and they must go.  Or maybe once you forgive yourself they come back because that is your lesson to learn and not theirs.  Pretty heavy stuff, don't you think? 

My journey towards enlightenment and spiritualism is one that is ongoing....similar to the layers of an onion.  Keep peeling back the layers to find even more questions and then searching for the person or opportunity to answer those questions for you.  Is it possible to let go of something that you want so desperately and then find that it returns to you?  Can you do that?  Hmmmmm.....I wonder......

So now each morning when I look at myself in the mirror I say to my lovely reflection that not only do I love me, but I forgive me.....it's worth a shot and besides maybe another layer will begin to peel away....

Pay It Forward...

Several years ago there was a movie called 'Pay It Forward'.  It was the story of a boy who felt the world could be made a better place by doing a needed favor for three different people without being asked, and then ask them to do the same for three others.  I liked this concept; so simple, yet so difficult.  People are generally cynical and wary of something being done for them without any type of compensation.

You all know that I am going thru some 'challenging' times at present.  I have been without a steady job for 16 months.  Although I do my best to keep my spirits up, there are days when it is just near impossible to remain calm and keep my faith.  I have never been one to rely on anyone's help; I've always been able to take care of myself...but this time there are just too many balls in the air to continually juggle.

I know I will get thru this time as all difficulties eventually end....but today turned out to be one of those days where I was able to be on the receiving end of a Pay It Forward.  My bank account had a balance of $29.73 and my gas tank was empty (so empty, the 'Check Gauge' lite was literally screaming at me from my dashboard).  I had $1 on me...so I put $20 in the gas tank and since it is Crusade for Children weekend and I was stopped at an intersection, I donated the $1 to the kids....I figure they needed it more than me.  While driving home I mentally started to juggle how I was going to last until next weekend on $9.73.....???

When I got home I found a card in my mailbox with no return address, just a note saying that this person had gone thru some rough times and was helped out by an anonymous friend.  This person also went on to say that when the opportunity arose the kindness would be forwarded to a 'perfect person'.  Also enclosed were five $20 bills.  I broke down and sobbed....and I thanked God for this kindness and this friend....

And yes, you can be sure that when I'm back on my feet again, I will most definitely Pay It Forward.....

God Bless you my dear, dear friend.....

To Cool or Not to Cool...That is the Question

Several light years ago, I was married to a man whose sole purpose in life was to make me uncomfortable.  No, I don't mean emotionally or mentally....I mean physically as in "we're not turning on the air-conditioner until the outside temperature reaches 100 degrees three days in a row" or making sure our home was akin to an igloo in the winter....I dreaded the long, hot summers which were soon to be followed by long, cold winters.  And what is sad is the fact the neighbors heard our heated discussions about why I had to remain hot, sweaty and wilted.  For those of you who really know me, you know that I am not one to suffer in silence.

When I became an independent woman, I finally had control of the thermostat....and I felt empowered....I could adjust the temperature according to MY wants and needs and whims.  Later when David and I began living together it was like I found my temperature soul mate.  We both liked warm and toasty in the winter and ice berg cold in summer, in fact it was like winter inside during the summers.  I loved it!

A couple of years ago LLF (long lost friend) entered my life.  Unfortunately, he was more like the ex-husband than the ex-finance.....let's see how hot it gets before we are compelled to turn on the air conditioning he had a fondness for saying; we can stand it; we'll just use fans the old fashioned way; we never had air when I was growing up.  I liked the guy so I figured if he could stand it so could I.  It was a competition each month to see who received the lowest LG&E (Louisville Gas & Electric) bill.  I really got into this challenge and knew I had finally won when he had to break down and turn on his air before me.....Woo hoo!!!!! 

LLF is gone, but I still like the idea of having the lowest possible LG&E monthly bill......and although the temperature and humidity have hit record highs for this time of year, I still have managed to come out with only owing the guys $44.42 for this month.  The funny thing is I don't feel like I'm suffering; I feel like I saving money.....and, besides, if I get too hot I can always drive around the block a couple of times with the air conditioning blasting in my car, all vents pointed at me, by the way....

So Let the Sun Shine In!

I awoke this morning to the birds tweeting, sun shining and my cat, Boo, meowing to come in after spending a nite out cruising the 'hood.  As I walked from my bedroom on my way to letting him in I noticed the sun trying to shine into my home thru the dirtiest windows I had ever seen...yep, they belonged to me.  So, without missing a beat I knew what my daily chore was going to be....

As much as I hate to admit it, I've washed my windows maybe once since I moved in....and I am celebrating my 9th year on August 1.  So out came the big Tupperware container (which doubles as a bucket, because the bucket I do own is full of 'stuff' in my garage), the obligatory rags (old Italian term for a cloth that has used up any other purpose) and some type of cleaning agent I could use to blast thru 9 years worth of wind, rain, snow.  My mother (who's hobby was cleaning and had windows that glistened any time of day or night, regardless of the weather) would have been horrified to see how I let mine go.  So, taking a cue from her, I decided to use a drop of Dawn dish washing liquid in the water, just to see if it really cuts grease and grime.  After all, I've used it to wash my hair (another 'blog' for another day!) and the commercials show how gentle it is on the ducks who get stuck in oil.....

And as I washed my windows I remember a song that my Dad taught me when I was 5 years old.  Daddy was a terrific musician and growing up there was always music playing in some way shape or form.  One nite there was a family gathering at my Aunt Rose's house.  She was Daddy's oldest sister and he adored her.  When it came time for entertainment, Daddy sat down at the keyboards and began to play the new song he taught me.....wanting me to sing.....I know you won't believe this, but I didn't want to, I was too shy.  However, Daddy always knew how to get me to do something and that had to do with paying me.  He offered me a whole nickel to sing.....and so I sang:  So let the sun shine in, face it with a grin....smilers never lose and frowners never win....so let the sun shine in, face it with a grin....open up your heart and let the sun shine in!.

I remember that nite like it was yesterday, not 50+ years ago....and as I remembered the words to that song I realized that lately I have been opening my heart and allowing the sun to shine in and although the sun does come in thru dirty windows, it really does pour in thru the clean ones.

And now, you may ask, what did I learn from this?  Well, Dawn is dynamite on windows; the sun is always in the sky even if clouds block it and to continue to remember that smilers never lose and frowners never win!

Mom would be very proud of the lessons I learned from this simple chore....

Is Popcorn a Vegetable?

Living alone has its' pluses and minuses....I can watch what I want on television without having to compromise, watch 'chick-flick' after 'chick-flick' dvd and eat whatever and whenever I like....and then when it comes to eating a nutritious, decent meal.....well that's another matter entirely.

When LLF (long lost friend) was in my life I was always assured a few good meals....he would cook, portion it out in divided containers and deliver it to me....boy he was better than the Domino's man....all I had to do was say what I wanted and like magic it was delivered to my door (or actually, from my garage thru my laundry room). Even now I could really go for one of his fantastic Pepper Burgers.....each patty was about 1/2 lb. of beef with an indentation in the middle filled with black pepper.  The secret, he would say, is not to press down on the burger as it's cooking....that way all the good juices would remain in the patty....and on the side, always sauteed onions (in butter)!  I would gladly give any important body part to have his delivery service once again.

Ahh.....when I dream about his cooking, my mouth begins to water....just like Pavlov's dog and I don't even need to hear a bell....

So even though I can do what I want, when I want and watch what I want, the only cooking I seem to be doing lately is taking the plastic wrap off a bag of microwave popcorn, putting the bag in my microwave and hitting the 'Popcorn' button....Dinner?  Maybe.  Vegetable?  Doubtful....

So, LLF, do ya think you could swing by this weekend with a couple of burgers????  I'll gladly share one of my 'Little Debbie Swiss Rolls' with you for dessert....

Just Wright!

Remember the story of the 3 bears....?  Too hot; too cold; just right.....well that's what happens during the course of friendships....

Last nite me, BFF and BFF's granddaughter had an outing....nothing spectacular, just a movie and then a bite to eat.  But it was a 'feel good' nite.  It's wonderful to come together with an old friend and see how we've grown, changed, evolved, matured.  Friendships come and friendships go and then there are some friendships that are destined to withstand the winds of change and the sands of time.  Sounds pretty poetic, doesn't it? Maybe we needed the 6 year break to go off and do 'our thing'....but in my heart I know that we've both learned to count on each other in times of change....

This is what I have learned: no matter what comes into our respective lives, we will be supportive of each other; lean on each other; maybe have a disagreement or two and never let any man come between us again.

And no matter what, we will always take time for us to go off and have some fun....!

Girls may rule, but Ladies rock...here's to us and our long, long friendship!

Do the Funky Chicken

There are days that are nice; there are days that are pretty and then there are days that are gorgeous....and today was a gorgeous day.....picture perfect blue sky and heavenly white Cool-Whip clouds floating by....today the sky looked just like a screen saver.....only it was real.....

And today reminded me of this time last year with my long, lost friend.....today was the kind of day we would listen to the kids radio station (WNAS in New Albany), soak up some rays, have in-depth conversations and cook chicken wings on the grill.  I was in awe of his chicken wings; even Col. Sanders would have agreed they were the best.....I would barely wait until they were done.  Sometimes burning my fingers trying to pull them apart....I always liked the little wing part the best (it was crunchy!).  By the time they were actually completed with the hot sauce (Texas Pete), I was so full of wings, celery with ranch dressing and Crystal Lite (flavored with Fleischmann's Gin) that I was the most content woman in the world.....

How was I to know I would fall in love with the wings, the corned beef, the pot roast and everything else he cooked....I miss them.....and in my heart I'm hoping I'll get a chance to taste them again.....

How Does It Feel to Want?

Wants....Needs....Desires....are these the same or are they completely different?  For instance:

• I desperately want my mother to be well again, living in her own home and not in a Nursing Home
• I desperately need employment, 15 months is way too long to have to depend on the State, the kindness of family and an odd job here or there to survive
• I desperately desire some sense of normalcy to my life

Are these pipe dreams, a type of pie-in-the sky/waiting for my ship to come in wishes?  Maybe yes and then maybe no.  I am intelligent enough to know that I am not the only person in the universe suffering from stress, pressure and an occasional bout of depression.  But what really hurts are the people who promised to help me, stick by me, be there for me when I needed them who have quickly vanished from my life.  Why?  What did I do to drive them away?

I can only look deep inside myself to discover that I kept my part of the friendship or the arrangement or whatever name you want to attach to the situation.....I was mistress, confidant, co-worker....then solitary survivor......

One thing I have learned in the past 2 years is that it is o.k. to say "no, I don't want to go" or "no I don't want to do that" or "no I am not going to do that"......I have also learned that I will not be controlled by anyone any more, even if that means I want white lights on my Christmas tree and not multi-colored ones, after all it is MY tree.....

So, how does it feel to want?  Does it give you an empty feeling inside, hmmmm??

No Redneck Joke.....!

E-mail jokes.....passed around....funny, thoughtful, disrespectful.....

This morning I received the attached from a friend of mine.  I was absolutely stunned as to the simplicity of the oil spill solution....by 2 farmers......

I'm asking the government to watch and learn.

Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5SxX2EntEo

Did You Vote Today?

Would you believe it if I told you there is at least one 57 year old man in the Commonwealth of Kentucky who has NEVER voted?  Yep, it's true!  Today I was listening to WHAS 84 talk radio. The topic had to do with voting in the primary election....the host, Mandy Connell, took a call from a man who said in his 57 years he had never voted (in any election)......he basically said that there was no one he felt could do the job and so he just didn't vote....quite frankly he almost sounded proud of that fact.  And people have to ask what is wrong with our country!

It is our right, NOT our privilege, our RIGHT to vote in all elections.....this is why the Founding Fathers broke away from England....we are all equal in the eyes of the law.....I'm furious that people are so cavalier about this.  And it is this attitude that is causing our country to become top heavy with career politicians.....as a nation we are becoming lazy and now with the health care fiasco we are on our way to becoming socialist.  Let the government take care of us!?! Are you crazy?????

My wonderful father always had a saying (among many) about a non-qualified political candidate: "I wouldn't vote for him if he was running for dog catcher"....well, daddy, maybe you wouldn't because you took the time to know the candidates and the issues but maybe, just maybe, there is someone out there who deserves a chance to try his hand at being a dog catcher.....and if not he could always be voted out!

Exercise your right.....VOTE!!!!

Sometimes Ya Just Gotta Cut Your Losses....

You know how some things look really good on paper (or in theory) but when you get to actually implementing them, they suck?  Kinda like communism....and you know how that turned out....

Although I profess to accept people and situations for what and who they are there are times when enough is enough and you just gotta walk away.....

A situation in my life had been brewing for the past month and came to a head last night.  I don't like to admit failure, but the time had come for something to end.  I felt I was backed into a corner and was being controlled and manipulated.  And, as always, it's a little thing that is the straw that breaks the camels back.  I realized that something I thought I was part of was just not true, so I have walked away....

I'm not heartbroken about it, but the drama I became involved in was too much and so......I cut my losses.  I had to learn my lesson the hard way, but I did learn.....

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough....

...go Shopping!

I spent the majority of yesterday with BFF and her granddaughter shopping for odds 'n' ends, shoes and having a girls lunch.  This made me realize that although life can hand you lemons sometimes, it's what you do with your time while you are getting the necessary ingredients to make lemonade....

I needed this day to get back on track....I needed to have fun with just the girls.....I needed to get out from the gray cloud that I feel I have been under for far too long....

My batteries have been re-charged!  Next outing, we'll be going to see 'Sex and the City 2' and I'll even spring for the popcorn.....

Girls may rule, but Ladies rock!

Four Years Ago.....

Four years ago, today, my world crumbled.....four years ago today, my world was turned upside down....four years ago today life would never be the same for me....four years ago today David took his own life.....

I'm not going to re-write his eulogy or his own personal history....David had a monkey on his back that he could not shake.  And no matter how much I loved him, cared for him, begged and pleaded with him, he was the only one who had the ability to throw that monkey off...

Those of you who knew him will agree with me that he was kindest most loving man in the world; extremely intelligent...would give you the shirt off his back.  He was a great problem solver for other people; he had great ideas.....but the one person he couldn't or wouldn't help was himself.....

All he wanted in life was to be loved and accepted by his father, mother and siblings....they turned their backs on him and he got to the point where that pain was too great to live with.  They have that guilt to carry as their burdens for the remainder of their lives.

But I'm not going to dwell on that here....I am going to remember him with great affection; I will laugh at some of the things we did together, the trips we took, the times we went dancing....how he loved to hear me sing....

I have become a stronger person because of my experiences with him....I no longer try to control others, I let each person I know live their own life....and because I knew David I consider myself truly blessed....

Lovingly,

Pammy

Dream a Little Dream of Me.....

I believe in dreams....no, not the ones where we fantasize about our goals....I mean the ones we experience when we sleep.....I believe that in order for our body to rest, the spirit must leave it.  When the spirit leaves it goes out and does wonderful, exciting things.....haven't you had a problem that needed solving, slept on it and in the morning you had the answer?  That is your spirit at work....Spirit never rests; it doesn't have to.  It is that part of us which resides in a different dimension than the space/time that we are familiar with.

Have you ever experienced something in a dream that was so real, you were disappointed when you realized that it didn't happen?  My former husband dreamt one night that he had purchased a new truck and was so sure that it was real that in the morning he jumped out of bed to check the driveway.  When he found no shiny new truck he was depressed the entire day!

I had such a dream last night (no, not the one about a new vehicle).  It is too personal to go into detail here, but just let me say it put me in a terrific mood all day.....

Maybe my Spirit knew that I needed some cheering up.....I dunno, but I am thankful for what I experienced last night as I slept....Hopefully, tonight's 'movie' will be just as wonderful....

Rejection.....again!

These past few months have pretty much taken a heavy toll on me and I don't mean physically.....I am pretty much drained emotionally and mentally.....

I am tired of the roller coaster ride of my pineapple upside down cake life....I am longing for the mundane, ordinary day-to-day tasks of a regular routine.  Just when I think the ride is ready to stop and I can get off, BAM!  I am hit with another 'challenge'....

There are days I feel like I'm a circus juggler trying to keep all the pins in the air and maintain my sanity...other days I just want to give up.  Now, don't get me wrong I'm not going to do anything rash...

But I would just love to see the light at the end of the tunnel.....c'mon God/Universe/Master make it so!  I promise to never bitch again when the alarm goes off at 6:00 am....

Do ya?

I was cleaning out the console of my car the other day and found a cassette tape...as I popped it into the player an old song began to play....K.T. Oslin's 1980's hit Do Ya.  As I listened to the lyrics I couldn't help but go back to the person who lent me this tape and how he loved to hear me sing the song...

Yes, old memories come flashing back now and then....but the question I have is are these memories what actually happened or are they what I wanted to happen....

The mind can play serious tricks with you....but I like to think that somewhere between what actually happened and what I wanted to have happened was something precious and wonderful.....

My Don King Plant.....

You know how sometimes something is so ugly or plain that it's pretty?  In the very small patch of dirt around my small patio I have such a thing....it is a spiky plant that my wonderful son planted for me several springs ago.

Although it got in the way of the tomato plants and cages, I refused to pull it up.....my son planted it and so it had to stay....this spring I noticed that it has grown immensely....it even looks as if it may seed and flower....

So, don't be too quick to get rid of something....you never know where you may find beauty!

...and Boo, too!

While I was going thru a semi-crisis last spring, a friend of mine (God bless her!) suggested it might be a good idea to go back to my religious roots...she felt it would do me some good...well, I did and she was right...

Although I consider myself more spiritual than religious, I find comfort in the ritualism of Sunday mass....I enjoy going to church each Sunday as it gives me a 'jump start' on what the coming week may throw at me....

When I went back to these roots, I was still with my long, lost friend....every Sunday as I was driving to church I would call him and tell him I was going to pray for his 'sorry ass' (I know, not very Christian, but I call 'em as I see 'em).  His response was always "...and Boo's too?...." .  I assured him I would also pray for my cat, Boo.

He still crosses my mind each Sunday as I am driving to Church.  And even though we haven't spoken since January, I still continue to pray for him.....and I still pray for Boo, too.....

Happy Mother's Day, Nunnie.....

For those of you who know me well, you know that I have had ups and downs in my relationship with my mother.  In the 1970's there was a popular book by Nancy Friday, My Mother/Myself, which explored the mother/daughter relationship.  This book was a daughter's guide to finding her own identity.  I read the book, but still had no clue as to what I wanted to be/needed to be/had to become.  After all these years, I'm still clueless as to what my role as a female should be.  

But I have come to realize that I am my mother's daughter to some degree...I worry about my kids, will they have a good life, are they happy, etc.  And yet I also know that I grew up in a completely different environment than my mother experienced.  After all, the females of my generation fought for equal rights, burned our bras, discovered sex outside of marriage and are comfortable in our own skin....we don't need men to fulfill us.....

Yes, mom and I clashed on more than one occasion about absolutely everything.  If she said it was white I immediately declared it was black.....the more she ranted about my short skirts, the more I showed my behind.  And let's not even talk about dating, marriage and child-rearing.....

Thru the years we've both mellowed; we've established a truce of sorts.....and now that she has more years behind her then in front of her I realize that I'm desperately clinging to her....I don't want her to grow old and feeble, but that's not my call.....

This may be the last Mother's Day I will have her here and the thought of that scares the daylights out of me.....I am just like her and you know I am so glad about it.

Happy Mother's Day!  I love you dearly......

Your darling daughter.....

Get The Bucket!!

Several years ago there was a movie called The Bucket List.  It was the story of two complete strangers who befriend each other due to similar circumstances.  One has a wish list of all the things he wants to do before he 'kicks the bucket'; the other has no list, but decides to take up the cause and, in turn,  adds his wishes to the list.

Sounds pretty simple right?  But something so simple can get quite complicated.  I thought I knew what I wanted to do before I 'kicked the bucket' (see Hawaii!!!!!), but now I'm not so sure.....

Yes, I will get to Hawaii before I die, but more than ever I want to make sure that I have been honest, truthful and respectful of all I come in contact with on a daily basis.....

Simple...Yes.....  Difficult...Yes...  Doable?? Yes!

Where Does the Time Go?

A former neighbor and great friend recently found me thru Facebook....unfortunately we had gone our separate ways over 20 years ago: she divorced and moved to Iowa and I divorced and stayed here.....

Last nite we hooked up again and talked about old times when our kids were little....we both ended up rolling on the floor laughing at some of the times and experiences we shared 'way back when'....good times that ended way too soon for both of us.....

We both came to the conclusion that had we tried just a little harder, maybe our friendships and marriages might have lasted....maybe we would not have gone our separate ways, but then again as I've always said we had issues to deal with and lessons to learn apart.  It's hard to believe how young we were and so sure of ourselves. 

During our time apart we both experienced long term relationships with men....and in comparing both men involved, we pretty much had the same kind of life....neither one of us married those men (thank God!), but boy did we learn....

So, where did the time go?  Hopefully it's not the time that goes, but it's us that evolve.....so glad of that!

Help! I Need Somebody....

A couple of weeks ago a friend of mine (actually the President of the Trop Chix Club) had posted this on her Facebook page:  If I called you and said I was in need of a friend, would you help me out?  Immediately all of us who are her friends replied that we would....but I really wonder sometimes about those you think are really your friends.

I say this because I thought I had a friend that I could count on in tough times.  He was always there when I needed advice, food (chicken wings on the grill during the summer, pot roast in the crock pot in the winter and corned beef in between times), be my Cabana Boy, share a load of firewood or talk for hours about politics and even fix my stupid computer mouse.  Without him I would never have realized that I actually am a Conservative......

Now I really need his input about a very serious matter and he has not responded to my voice mail messages.  So, was he really a friend after all or just someone to pass the time?  I guess I'll never know and the sad part is I never saw this coming.....

So in answer to my title, yes I need somebody....but as the rest of the line goes: not just anybody.....won't you please, please help me!

Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?

Recently I've begun to review my life so far...I'm not talking about actually sitting down and going over every detail, but every once in a while flashes of my past coming zooming in at me.  The person I was and the person I am evolving into are poles apart.....

During my younger days every small, insignificant problem in my life was dealt with as if it was the end of the world.....tears at the drop of a hat, slamming doors to shut out the world.....I was not a drama queen, I was THE DRAMA QUEEN!  And I am so embarrassed by my previous actions.....some days I don't know how my parents put up with me.....God love 'em!  Mea Culpa (my fault to the nth degree).....

When I got too far to the edge of reason as to what personal catastrophe I was currently afflicted with, my father would always bring me back to reality with a simple question:  Well, other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?  To which I would respond: Oh, it didn't end well.

Other than some painful bumps and bruises along the way, my life is pretty good now.....and you know I'm beginning to like the way this play is going......

Growing Up Italian

Growing up Italian is something everyone must experience....be it for a few hours, a few days, a few weeks or a few months....I can't think of any experience that could either be more fun or more torture!  Our lives revolved around 2 things:  cleaning and eating (in fact our mothers' hobby was cleaning and you wonder why I am OCD about having everything in its' place and a place for everything!).  We never went on vacations, there was always something else to clean.  (Although I dreamed of laying on a beach during my pre-teen and teen years, I never saw an ocean until 1980 when I journeyed to North Carolina to be a bridesmaid in my cousin's wedding.  I was in total awe of the power and magnificence that massive body of water conveyed.)

Rather than talk about cleaning, I want to focus on our other hobby:  eating.....ahhh eating....I think Italians invented the term 'Comfort Food'.....we ate when we were happy; when we were sad; when someone got married, baptized or died.  In fact some of my happiest memories growing up revolve around Mom's, Grandma's, Aunt Mary's, Aunt Janet's or Aunt Jane's kitchen table (or the dining room table when you got old enough).  Holidays were unbelievably special, with my favorite being Christmas Eve.  Being Catholic meant no meat on Christmas Eve and what our mothers could do with simple fish would make Emeril or Wolfgang or even Paula absolutely green with envy....we ate calamari long before it was 'fashionable'; only the way we ate it was in tomato sauce poured over pasta (never spaghetti)....and trust me, everything we ate was drowned in tomato sauce!  I learned how to 'clean' fish in my mother's kitchen.  Even if the fish they bought was already cleaned, that was just not good enough for our Italian mamas....

For Christmas, our mother's began to bake cookies, pies, fruit cakes well before Thanksgiving and then lovingly placed in Tupperware containers and put in the freezer. God forbid that you touched one crumb of a baked good before the 'official' cookie tray was 'put together', covered with Saran Wrap and Aluminum foil.

Twice a week we always had pasta: Thursdays and Sundays.  The only variation was what type of meat was in the sauce: meatballs, ground meat, cubed beef or sausage.....and what depended on which you got was how much time your mother had to make dinner after she had spent a day cleaning.....

As my generation grew up we married and moved away, coming home to visit once in a while.  Our children never got to experience the childhood that we did.  I am sad when I think that those days are long gone and as our parents age and die these traditions die with them....

But I can always travel back in time and in my mind re-visit all those good memories of Growing Up Italian.

P.S.  I lovingly dedicate this piece to my Mama, my Daddy and all the Grandparents and Great-Grandparents who have gone on to heaven and watch over and protect us as our Special Angels....

Weep No More, My Lady!

Another Kentucky Derby has come and gone....and just like the day after Christmas, all that's left to do now is to clean up the mess.  Yes, parties and holidays are exciting times, but what about every day life?  All those mundane chores; daily activities we do automatically; without thinking......Monday mornings can be brutal, especially after a party weekend.....and then for those of us who don't have a regular routine, Monday mornings can be as depressing as hell.....

Don't get me wrong, I'm eternally grateful for so much in my life....my health, my wonderful children, the fact that my mother is settled....I still have a warm bed at nite, food on my table and a roof over my head....I thank the wonderful Universe for all these things, but still there are holes in my life and a fear of the unknown....

So, Stephen Foster, you may have written "....weep no more my lady....", but some days this is easier to sing than actually do.....

You're So Vain

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away 2 bestest friends loved to go to their favorite bar and sing Karaoke.....and boy could they sing!  One specialized in Broadway tunes, with a little Reba thrown in for good measure; the other could break your heart with "Seven Bridges Road".  But the best times happened when they shared the stage to sing duets.....one sang lead and the other harmonized......both became legends, if not only in their own minds.....

Last nite the 2 BFF's returned to the stage.  And although they were both a little older and maybe more than a little wiser, they sang their signature duet.....the harmony could have been better in the beginning of the song, but by the time it ended, they were in perfect tune once again....

Even though we didn't say it, the song was dedicated to all those men in our past who had us, ignored us and now have lost us.....

Last nite was not like old times, it was the beginning of new times.  However one tradition had to remain:  capping off the nite with burgers 'n fries at the local Steak 'n Shake....

Here's to us girlfriend and our girl power!