All the Men I've Loved Before....

There are some nights that insomnia sets in and my mind gets to racing, sometimes way too fast.....and when that happens I begin to think about my past.  Sometimes this soothes me and then other times I toss and turn thinking what could I have done to make things better.....or did I play the hand that I was dealt the way it was supposed to have been played.

I sometimes wonder where all the years went....was I too busy worrying about tomorrow to really enjoy today?  Have I learned the lessons I was supposed to learn....have I aged way before my time...have I even reached my potential?  I like to think that I am on the right track about some things....I am in the middle of some really big lessons and even though I am wading thru my issues with as much patience I can muster there are times I just want to throw up my hands and say enough!

Take for instance some of the men in my life I have truly loved....and for those of you who know me when I love, I love all the way....I've never done anything half-hearted in the love department and most likely never will.....so it comes as no surprise that one night during a bout with sleeplessness I decided to track down a couple of old lovers.....yep, there they were, right on Facebook.....and, yes, I will admit that when I saw their faces I felt the old pang of hurt....and I was especially glad to see that they have aged.....

Do they ever think of me, I wonder or was I just a footnote in their personal history....?  Time is supposed to heal old wounds, but can time wound these old heels??? Hmmmm.....food for thought.....

Intervention Anyone?

Yes....it has been a while since I last wrote.....yes, I have been busy....yes, I have been pre-occupied.....

And the reason is:  I am hooked on Netflix...you know the on-line movie downloads that you can get straight to your computer at any hour of the night.....  

Recently a friend of mine insisted that I join Netflix so we could watch movies (oldies, classics, etc.) and then discuss them.  Not only have I reacquainted myself with the film stars of the 40's, 50's and 60's, I am finding myself more involved in the dialog.   Some of the ones I've rediscovered are campy (Holiday); some are honest to goodness classics (Gilda), and some are downright chilling (3 Days of the Condor).

 

I am a trivia buff and my mind is like a sponge absorbing all kinds of facts...so, the next time you want to talk with me and I'm not available, get a bunch of my friends together and plan an intervention....!

Walk With Me Jesus!

Ever hear the old saying 'some days you get the bear and some days the bear gets you'?  In my recent past I had experienced the part about the bear getting me (and getting me a lot!).....and I felt I was beginning to spiral down into another one of my 'famous' depressions.  I didn't want to go down that deep well again, but sometimes things happen and you find yourself in the midst of darkness....

During this strange, dark time I still said my prayers and I thanked God for all that I did have as well as the lessons I was learning.  I don't know if I prayed anything differently one night or maybe God had a little more time to listen to me, but I had the most wonderful dream.  I dreamed that I was in a very beautiful land with palm trees and beautiful blue skies and I was walking with Jesus.  Yes, you read it right.....I was walking with Jesus and I remember saying to Him it must have been awesome to hear Him talk to the masses when He walked this earth.

And here is the kicker.....He replied that, yeah it was pretty cool back then...and when I turned to look at Him, there were 2 very bright suns shining down.....I guess it was the Father and the Holy Spirit. Anyway, when I woke up the heaviness of my impending depression was gone and I felt truly, truly happy....happier than I have been in years.....

So now I hold onto that dream... it is a beacon guiding me every step I make and every breath I take every day....

A friend once told me that when you dream of Jesus it is not a dream, but a vision.....and you know it was so real I like to think that I really did take that walk.....

The Long and Winding Road

O.K.  So now it's time for some nostalgia......I recently attended the wedding of the son of a long time girlfriend and former neighbor.  It was one of those garden weddings where absolutely everything was perfect: perfect weather, perfect flowers, perfect hair.  All members of the wedding party looked like they could have been part of a portrait by Norman Rockwell, you know like the ones that graced the covers of the Saturday Evening Post magazine.

I remembered this groom as a small child toddling around the Court (Rock Spring Court, that is....great neighborhood to raise kids) and wondered just where did the time go....

But that is life....children grow, marry and then have children of their own.  Within the blink of an eye, we're all suddenly looking at faces in the mirror and wondering who is staring back at us.  When did we become our mothers/fathers?  When did our hair begin to turn gray and when did the crow's feet appear around our eyes?  Ah, such is life!

Strains from the song 'Sunrise/Sunset' rang thru my head as I listened to the bride and groom recite their vows to one another....yes quickly fly the years....

Time, won't you slow down a bit....not for very long, but for just a moment....please?

Toes in the Water...Ass in the Sand!

What is it about spending time at the beach that really re-charges your batteries?  Is it the laid back atmosphere; is it the reduced stress level or is it the time you can spend with yourself?  I have to admit I experienced all of these last week when me, BFF and BFF's granddaughter had 7 wonderful nights and 6 glorious days at Panama City Beach in Florida.

Although our time began during a torrential rain storm with rain the next couple of days, it was the 'getting away' part that excited me the most.  As many of you know getting to a beach from Louisville, Kentucky is not a quick trip (12 hours in the car!) but once you see God's magnificent ocean it is well worth the 'windshield' time spent.

What did we enjoy most?  Well, our first night there (in between rainstorms) we watched a magnificent fireworks display over the beach from our balcony while sipping Margaritas... or it could have been the $60.00 in cash found laying next to my car when we decided to go out and grab a quick bite or  maybe the early morning coffee on the balcony while watching the sun rise....so many good times crammed into those 6 days.  Our last nite was spent drinking a bottle of sparkling Asti wine on the balcony while recounting everything that had happened.  We laughed and laughed until we cried, broke more than a couple of moving violations (we were out-of-towners after all) and totally left all of our cares, stresses and worries 642 miles away....

So many thanks BFF and little BFF for helping to make wonderful memories to help keep us warm during the cold Kentucky winters.....

Do it again next year?  You bet!

Sometimes Ya Gotta Play the Hand You're Dealt

Recently an old high school buddy was downsized after 35+ years of working for the same company and although he was lucky enough to find another position within a reasonable amount of time he was concerned about 'starting over'.....

I assured him that this was just another phase in his ongoing life....a new career, new challenges, new opportunities.  Something new to keep the brain active.....

This got me to thinking it doesn't matter how old you are (in either dog or human years) ya just gotta learn to 'ride with the tide and roll with the flow'.....play the new hand that the Universe deals you 'cause you never know where this will take you.....we are here to learn and to never stop learning...never become stagnate!

So, high school buddy, don't fret 'cause you have just begun, again, to climb the ladder of success...you don't know what magic awaits you at the top.......

Best wishes and congratulations!

What the World Needs Now

Normally when I write my blog I like to write about lessons learned, good experiences or a past memory and I always like to end on a positive note.....

This time will not be the case.  I am upset and angry and I need to vent....I just heard that a good friend of mine had been robbed.  Yes, while she was gone her house was broken into and the few valuables she possessed were taken.  Yes, insurance will replace what was taken, but the pictures and memories attached are gone forever.  

What infuriates me is that after a long time of unemployment, she finally was able to get a worthwhile position and had just started 4 days before this unfortunate event.

I am the first to admit that these economic times are trying indeed; this is the worst our economy has been since the Great Depression of the 1930's.....and there are people who will do anything to get a few dollars to, maybe, keep a roof over their head or feed their children.....but to take from another is just plain wrong!  This person is now suffering at the hands of someone who most likely will never be identified......

I can only say one word:  Karma!  Karma will come back ten-fold to whomever has done this.....and I am glad that there is an All Powerful Being who will see to it!